Read this when you’re tempted to outsource your intuition
In the first few years of my seven-year season of singleness - when the ache for romantic partnership felt especially sharp - sometimes I sought out psychics and intuitives, craving a glimmer of hope to carry me through. I'd ask, When will I meet this person - and will this even happen?
Some highly recommended readers said he was just around the corner - six years too soon. In 2015, one “world renowned” psychic told me he'd arrive in three years; when that marker came and went without a trace, I was disheartened to say the least. Another insisted I'd meet him on a future trip. So I wandered - chasing false prophecies across continents, only to be left feeling like a total fool.
When walking through what feels like a long, dark night, there are moments we can become more vulnerable to illusion - grasping at words that offer a flash of hope, even if they aren't true. In our hunger for clarity or comfort, we may reach for quick fixes in the desperation of our dreams - anything to soothe the ache of the unknown. Yet like a sugar rush, they lift us briefly before the inevitable crash.
After six-ish years of living and hoping for predictions that never came to pass, I finally surrendered to a different way of being - what I now think of as an unofficial experiment in faith. I stopped seeking answers outside myself and turned inward, asking Mother Mary to be my matchmaker. I anchored into the truth that the Divine already knows everyone and everything on Earth…and I realized I didn't need another prediction. What I truly wanted was to live a life that felt whole and meaningful - partner or no partner.
Around this time, I started reading The Way of the Rose and was inspired to begin praying the rosary daily. I've written about this many times - and I'll probably keep writing about it because my gratitude for the way things unfolded continues to overflow. As the world shut down, my heart still burned and yearned for love, and I turned to the rosary as a daily anchor - braiding planetary prayers with personal ones, asking to be met in a miraculous way.
Two months into those prayers, the life I'd known began to dissolve. I felt a strong call to leave Los Angeles and move north to Mt. Shasta. At the very same time, unbeknownst to me, my future partner felt drawn to return to school - which required his move to the Mt. Shasta area.
When I found out my move-in date would be October 13th a few weeks prior, something about the number felt special to me. I looked it up and discovered that October 13th is known as Miracle of the Sun - the day in 1917 when Our Lady of Fatima made her sixth and final apparition in Portugal. In the footnotes of that article, I read that she is also known as Our Lady of the Rosary(!)
My partner and I both moved in - and met - on October 13th. And while I'd love to say that, in the weeks that followed, I felt nothing but certainty - confident in my feelings, Mary's blessing, and the unfolding of something special - the truth is, I hadn't yet fully let go of the urge to outsource my intuition. And so a couple of months into getting to know him, I booked a session with an intuitive - hoping to check in on what I was starting to feel. But her reflections didn't resonate. In fact, they devastated me. I got off the call feeling disoriented, unsettled, and full of doubt. Thoughts crept in: If what she said is true… maybe this isn't right for me?
It took a few days of honest reflection to admit what I was actually feeling: I was vulnerably, tenderly beginning to care for this person. And the so-called “intuitive” guidance I'd received didn't align with that truth - not even close.
By taking the time to truly listen to what I was feeling, I realized that if I followed that intuitive's guidance, I would have been abandoning myself and betraying the truth of my own heart. This may seem obvious to you reading this story - but for me, it was a real reckoning moment of power reclamation. This realization was the final straw for me - and while this post isn't meant to be anti-intuitive, for me personally - that was the moment I chose to stop seeking answers outside myself for good.
Over the years, I've met many people who've also felt the sting of intuitive or psychic readings that left them feeling off, anxious, or cloaked in doubt. If that's ever been true for you, you have my full compassion. It can be deeply disorienting when someone else's voice tries to override the truth you're carrying - and it can also be an incredible opportunity for boundary repair and taking your power back.
With time, reflection, and a whole lot of grace, I've come to feel a surprising gratitude for all the psychics and intuitives I once sought out - precisely because their predictions never came true. Their inaccuracy taught me to anchor deeper in myself. It taught me to trust the Divine in more mysterious, unspoken ways - and it eventually brought me back to trusting in the wellspring of my own heart.
Through this experience, I've come to learn that the Divine delights in surprise. If everything were mapped out in advance, we'd miss the sacredness of the unfolding. I believe mystery is part of the miracle - we're not here to master the how - we're here to apprentice the holy depth of our own longing.
I've come to accept that my Soul is one stubborn spark who has zero issues delivering a hard no on some of the things I seek out. Nothing a psychic or intuitive shared with me ever came to pass - the most accurate reflections I received came from my own inner attunement. I also don't mean for this writing to be against psychics of intuitives -interestingly, some of my closest friends had the exact opposite experience: they received precise readings from the same people that unfolded with uncanny accuracy…but that wasn't the path laid out for me. My learning lived elsewhere - and I'm so grateful it did!
While at this point in my life, I prefer to lean into my own intuitive knowing - I respect intuitive practices, both personally and relationally, that move away from rigid timelines or fixed predictions. The guides and practices I resonate with most are those who attune to the wider energetic landscape and ask wise, open-ended questions - ones that help bring you back to your own clarity. To me, that's the heart of true guidance: not telling you what will happen, but helping you listen more deeply to what's already stirring within.
May today’s writing encourage you to source your knowing from within - trusting the wisdom of your own heart where the Divine often speaks most clearly.
With love,
Madeline